Images by @Seinfeld2000
(Originally published by Noisey US)
Hey whats up!!!
im just gona dive rite in here
Remember the epsode of seinfeld where J Petermen is writing a book abt his life but he need stories so with Elanes help they enlist Kram to provide his storys?
LMAO k … well… what if Seinfeld was still on the TV today and the same thing simply hapened but instead of Krame its kanye west?
Thats what I imagened for this article
I Love Seinyehttps://t.co/ZFgzv13PDK
— Seinfeld Current Day (@Seinfeld2000) February 14, 2016
Close ur eyes and picture this scene. The year is 2016, and the day is today, like its literaly happening in real time as u read this, thats how modarn this is
The camara zoom in on the gleaming and warbled exterior of a Frank gehry design edifice in midtown manhatan (New york). This is the headquatars of J. Peterman Inc.
Inside is a fresh and crisp ofice seting, not unlike what you would see in a movie like say Ann Hatheway and Vince Vaghn business rom com “The Internship” with Screen Actor guild award winner Robert Denino as Horny Grandad.
J Petermen, now 76 year’s old but still spry as fuck , is skyping (remember, this is 2016 ) with Ana Wintor, editor of Vogue magazine and vogue online as well as teen vogue and the newly launch Tween Vogue as well as Adult Tween Vogue (tween vogue for grown ups).
Even though its right in the middle of New York Fashion Week and she HELLA busy, she always make time for the man Fortune just name “The Steve Jobs of Fashion” for the 6th year in a row for his inovative and daring style’s on all the fashion runways from LA to Milan
“Yes! My company just acquire UNIQLO LTD. Anyway, i have to go now” petermen say in his jouncy rhythm, wraping up the call curtly. “Goodbye.” He click off the skype
Then he send a text to Elane. She still work for J Petermen in a top executive posish. The words J Petermen is typing come up on the screen in the style of HOuse of Cards (modarn political drama staring Kevin Spacy)
THE TEXT SAY: Elane im thinking of writing my memoir’s just like the epsode of seinfeld where i write my memoirs back in the day, like in the 90s except i want it to be more modarn than just some dumb book
(Now i know what ur thinking. “What the deuce does this have to do with Kanye west. I came to read this article for a halarious MASH UP of kanye with sienfeld. So far its been all seinfeld and no kanye hey what gives Well here is my rebutal: stfu because its literaly coming up and all u have to do is keep reading)
During the time it took u to read that paranthetical aside Elane has typed back
ELANE TEXT SAY: Ok its lit but how do u want to make it more modarn
J PETERMEN TEXT SAY: Instead of INSCRIBING it down on “paper” like some RELIC of the midle ages, why dont i express the past 20 year’s of my life in the language of the streets: RAP MUSIC! Elane are u still friends with Metro boomin
ELANE TEXT: No i dumped him, nothing was ever enough for him! He always wanted more. But I am friend’s with kanye
J PETERMEN TEXT: Real friends?
ELANE TEXT: Ya
J PETERMEN TEXT: Why dont u have the Yeezy drop by the ofice, say in 15 minutes
ELANE: Ok sure he’ll be rite over Jacopo
(Now i know what ur thinking, Kanye is a busy guy so how come hes able to just drop everything and go to this meeting. Well remember when earlier i establish that J Petermen is the most powerful man in the fashion industry?)
Cut to the next scene, kanye sudenly BERST into J Petermen office, folowed by his wife Kimberly Kardashian West, his son North West, his sister in law’s Cloe Kardashian West, Kortney Kardashian West, not to mention Kendal Jener West, Kylie Jenner West and also Katelyn Jenner West and also Kris Jenner, also Rob Kardashian West is emerge a few moments later, hes huffing and puffing. And elane is in the ofice as well
J PETERMEN: Well its look like the whole click is here
Everyone berst in to nervous laughtar because no one want to ofend the Bill Gates of fashion. Actualy this meeting is a big deal for Kanye hes been trying to meet J Perterman prety much since Yeezy Season 1. In the back of Kanye mind hes thinking “man this could change yo life”
Kanye laugh but there is no joy in his eyes only the pain of strugle, even now that he is a sucesful raper with a pool almost as big as Drakes pool
J PETERMEN: Im gona to cut to the chase here Yezus. I want u to craft for me an album called THE LIFE OF PETERMEN. We will shorten it to TLOP for short. I already have an intern making the cover art work using an iphone app, he asures me it will only take him 5 minutes to make. Then once its all done and its banging as fuck we will release it on TIDAL ensuring the music reaches the people with only the most high fidelty sonic quality, its the Jay Z and arcade fire garantee
KANYE: Totaly im down for whatever, i will do anything u want. Ur an icon J Peterman. I fantasize bout this back in chicago
J PETERMEN: oh, is that where ur from?
KANYE: Ya the chi
J PETERMEN: OK tell u what, i like that. now IM from the chi. WE SHALL PUT IT IN THE ALBUM. ITS A PETERMEN
KANYE: but thats my story
J petermen trundle up a wad of 20 dolar bills and toss it at Kanye. As it rain down three fresh 20 dolar bills on kanye west his face almost into exact replica of the angry emoji with the red face. Kanye may have respect for Petermen and all that he has acomplish but this is geting a litle insulting. Honestly hes about to STORM OUT but then KIM Kardashen just wisper in his ear in a voice so nasal that it is audible to every one in the room
“But kanye dont forget ur 53 milion dolars in personal debt”
Kanye just mutter “new slaves” under his breath as he slowly sink back down in his traditienel Thai beanbag chair
J PETERMEN: what else is interesting that we can put on the album
Kanye just consider for a second and then say
KANYE: Well i made taylor swift famous
J PETERMEN: Thats briliant! We will say that I made Taylor swift famous and i shall lay it down in the track. Alright lets get to rapping
And while kanye is initialy frustrated, the two spend the next eight days in the studio building the most seductive malaysian beatscapes and trading story’s from the fashion scene in New york’s bustling 1980s when the fashion world was racist and not inclusive lmao. All the usual suspect’s come thru including everyone from Young Thug to that grey haired lady from the epsode of sienfed where its the woman who think’s elane name is Suzie. Shes in the epsode that is called “The Suzie” remember, elane rub’s her butt on her keyboard
After the marathon recording sesh is over, J Petermen and Kanye sip on a fine botle of Kims new line of 2-in-one perfume and liquor called “Swish” and enjoy a job well done
Finaly Kanye say “Now that i have helped u would u like to help me design Yeezy season 4. My creative colaborator Vanesa Bee “Movie” Croft will be forcing models to stand and endure pain in my mediocre and impractical garment’s for 6 hours its gona be fun.”
J petermen simply say “no I am not interested”
FREZE FRAME AND CUE CREDITS
thats the end of the epsode and also this article
@Seinfeld2000 imagens what if Seinfeld still on TV on Twitter.
from Noisey http://ift.tt/1RJiLE4
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